This is the last straw, I’m fed up with my boys Dad telling me what to do – I’m not married to him anymore and why the hell should he make me feel guilty. It might seem petty to all of you but I’m gonna show you what I have to put up with and I want, need, your advise as to what I’m going to write to him in an email to let him know how out of order he is!
I will just let you into a brief history of when I was married to him. The reason I ended up divorcing him was because he seemed to like telling me what to do. Or he would tell me off when I had done something he didn’t like. For example, if I got too drunk at a party and was actually enjoying myself! Anyway, when I went through my divorce I had to go to counselling and I remember even then he used to interrogate me and I nearly ended up having a nervous breakdown. Hard to really give you all a picture of loads of stuff that went on years ago. But, basically he annoys me immensely! Anyway, when we were going through out divorce he announces he is going off to live in California, he did, he left his kids and lived there for two years. Now, that’s something I could never ever do, my kids are my world! I also reluctantly let my babies fly out to be with their Dad for three whole weeks! He even turned it round then to be my fault saying I pushed him into having to go live there! I used to actually start to believe that all these things were my fault. He even told my boys a load of lies about me! I never ever, and have never said anything to my boys about their Dad. After two years he comes back and thinks he can just carry on as he left off – demanding to see the kids at weekends etc. Well I told him he could only see them once a fortnight as I did not want to suddenly lose the weekends with my children altogether. Anyway, since he has been back he has found little things to pick at me with.
So let’s fill you in on why I’m so annoyed now. My Sam is 14 and my Joe is 12. They are teenagers and I let them do what they like to a certain degree! Of course! But, basically they are good kids and in our house we are fairly laid back and we are happy, very happy! My ex- husband isn’t very happy in his relationship at the moment and I think that when he is not happy he cant bare me being happy. He has been in 4 relationships since we divorced and I have only been in one – so that says it all really doesn’t it!. Im going on now and not getting to the point! Anyway, my Sam and Joe have decided to grow their hair long, I don’t mind coz I like long hair on boys, they are going through this Emo, Goth stage – you know, wearing black and having long hair is cool when you’re a teenager. I have to let them go through it coz that’s me, laid back and hopefully a cool mum! Hee hee! Anyway, I quite like the Goth look! The main thing is they are not out on the streets causing trouble, they are happy and content and have an aim in life. If they want long hair, let them I say!
So I get this text message yesterday while the boys are at their Dad’s;
Would it be possible to get the boys hair cut before they come down next time. Serena could only do it for them when they had it done with clippers. (Ok, right nothing wrong with that I hear you say. It annoyed me because I don’t like him telling me what to do. He has a wedding to go to the next time boys are down so that is why he wants their hair cut. So in my mind I think, well I’m not bothered at the mo whether it’s cut or not, also I can’t afford it, also I’m not sure if we will have time. His Serena did used to clipper my boys hair, without asking me first! Also, they took it upon themselves to suddenly be in charge of the boys hair so I let them get on with it!) So I texted back.
Take them to a barbers today if you can would be best. (Now in this reply Im not being funny or anything just suggesting that it might be best if he took them if he had time, didn’t say I wouldn’t)
So his reply was;
Don’t know why you cant take them in the next few weeks. I always seem to have to take them. (Unbelievable! I take my boys to school everyday, never think about it, I take my boys out to their friends houses, to their clubs, give them money for extras, love them, play with them, feed them, clothe them, be a mum to them, I do it because I want to, they are my kids. I don’t text him and say it’s not fair! He took it upon himself to suddenly start doing their hair! I never asked him! He went and left his sons for two years, two years they didn’t have a Dad!)
So I text back.
Well Im not bothered whether they have hair cut or not so if you want it done you get it done! (Well Im angry by this point, he is being so bloody petty!)
Then I get this text;
Well your sons want to have their hair cut. Don’t know why I should always be the one to take them. So your happy to have them walking around so scuffy. (This is when I lost it and threw my phone nearly damaging it. You see he made me a nervous wreck when we were married and I still have that laying dormant in me, that depression I had and nervousness I had comes to the surface when he has a go at me. I wish it wouldn’t! Anyway, see how he uses ‘your sons’ to mentally get at me as if to say you are their mother and you’re a crap one! Then when he says why should I always be the one to take them, well I never ever asked him to take them ever! Of course Im not happy to let them walk about scruffy, I don’t think they look scruffy, it’s the look that a lot of the teenagers have at the mo! You see how he tries to make me feel so guilty! He comes over all important like he is always right, so why did he leave them for two years! Grrrr there is a lot more I could say but I don’t want to bore you anymore than I have!)
Anyway, then I get a text from my Joe saying ‘How are you Mummy’, I also get a text from Sam saying Hello Mummy hope you are having a good weekend. That made me wonder if their Dad was moaning about me in front of them as my boys never text me when they are at their Dad’s. Then Joe texted me and says ‘please can we have our hair trimmed mummy?’ Says it all doesn’t it! Once my Joe came back, a few months ago now, really upset as this Serena had slagged me off to my boys, told them I was lazy and because I was at college should get off my arse and do some work! My Joe was so upset about that and has never forgiven her. Apparently their Dad told her off but I just wonder if now this weekend my boys have had to listen to her rant and rave about me not doing their hair.
What do I do?