Im so so sorry I've been away from journals - I hit an all time low last week - I don't think I could have got much lower. I think when you hit rock bottom the only way again is up and I have been getting better - slowly.
Its been a hard few weeks, starting a new job and losing a close friend.
The job is getting better although Im not sure if I will be there forever. Life is too short to be sad but as I say things are getting better so watch this space.
The school I work for have children with very challenging behaviour and emotional problems - children that most other schools would exclude - so as the school has an 'every child matters' policy we as staff have to support that and therefore have to be strong enough to deal with this behaviour - I dont think Im strong enough yet but I hopefully will get there. I want to - I nearly gave up last week but after being in tears in front of the Head and saying how I felt it lifted a huge weight. I hope that things will get better.
As for my friend well - remember I told you all about a friend of mine who left her husband for another man and said she had lots of trouble with her ex-husband. She left her husband in October last year and took the children with her. Her ex has not yet been granted access to the children who are 11 and 14 (two girls) - anyway she has been telling me that he has been acting unreasonably and the girls dont want to see him. Im not quite sure what it is he has done that is so bad. Well its a long story but she asked me to write a letter to her solicitor saying that her ex had sent me confidential stuff letters and that (which he had done and I read it all as he was just trying to clear his name) - well she wanted me to say that the letters were unwelcome and I dont wish him to contact me again. I felt that me writing a letter would just add to making it difficult for him to see his girls. So I refused to write the letter. I didnt find the letters unwelcoming infact it made me realise that my friend is going over the top a bit in stopping him seeing his girls and I didnt want to make it even harder for him. I've chatted to him lots on the phone and he is a broken broken man. She is not very happy with me and said I have hurt her. God!!!! I'm fed up with people!! I really dont know why the girls dont want to see him - what did he do that is so bad! I've have known him for 15 years and Ive known him to be a bloody good Dad!! So instincts tell me to not get involved but then now Ive lost my best friend!!!
So all that added to the stresses of a job I thought I would love Ive been pretty down lately. Why is life so bloody hard!! I wanna just enjoy it and be happy! Ooooh Im so sorry if all this dont make sense but Ive just come on here and blurted it out.
I miss you all and I thank you for being here.