Sunday, 30 September 2007

Feeling a bit better

Hello everybody,

Im so so sorry I've been away from journals - I hit an all time low last week - I don't think I could have got much lower. I think when you hit rock bottom the only way again is up and I have been getting better - slowly.

Its been a hard few weeks, starting a new job and losing a close friend.

The job is getting better although Im not sure if I will be there forever. Life is too short to be sad but as I say things are getting better so watch this space.

The school I work for have children with very challenging behaviour and emotional problems - children that most other schools would exclude - so as the school has an 'every child matters' policy we as staff have to support that and therefore have to be strong enough to deal with this behaviour - I dont think Im strong enough yet but I hopefully will get there. I want to - I nearly gave up last week but after being in tears in front of the Head and saying how I felt it lifted a huge weight. I hope that things will get better.

As for my friend well - remember I told you all about a friend of mine who left her husband for another man and said she had lots of trouble with her ex-husband. She left her husband in October last year and took the children with her.  Her ex has not yet been granted access to the children who are 11 and 14 (two girls) - anyway she has been telling me that he has been acting unreasonably and the girls dont want to see him.  Im not quite sure what it is he has done that is so bad. Well its a long story but she asked me to write a letter to her solicitor saying that her ex had sent me confidential stuff letters and that (which he had done and I read it all as he was just trying to clear his name) - well she wanted me to say that the letters were unwelcome and I dont wish him to contact me again.  I felt that me writing a letter would just add to making it difficult for him to see his girls.  So I refused to write the letter. I didnt find the letters unwelcoming infact it made me realise that my friend is going over the top a bit in stopping him seeing his girls and I didnt want to make it even harder for him.  I've chatted to him lots on the phone and he is a broken broken man.  She is not very happy with me and said I have hurt her.  God!!!! I'm fed up with people!!  I really dont know why the girls dont want to see him - what did he do that is so bad! I've have known him for 15 years and Ive known him to be a bloody good Dad!! So instincts tell me to not get involved but then now Ive lost my best friend!!!

So all that added to the stresses of a job I thought I would love Ive been pretty down lately.  Why is life so bloody hard!! I wanna just enjoy it and be happy!  Ooooh Im so sorry if all this dont make sense but Ive just come on here and blurted it out.

I miss you all and I thank you for being here.

Laine xxxxxxxxxxx

8 comments:

jeadie05 said...

Poor Laine Im sure you will get better with time ,its all so new and a big responsibilty but Im sure when you are more confident you will cope better,I understand  how down you must feel about your friend ,but you did the right thing and your friend had no business expecting you to get involved much less lie for her ,cheerup things will get better ,....love Jan xx

sdrogerson said...

(((((((((((((())))))))))))

egre328 said...

Oh Lainey.........I got Sara's message that you weren't journaling but didn't realise just what problems you had.  You have to follow your own instinct and not do things just to please a friend.  I am glad that you had the courage to tell it as it is.  Your friend will come to realise that what you did was right and she shouldn't have put you in such a position.  As far as work goes...........well, nothing is forever but it really is early days and things can only get better.  Just tell yourself that you don't have to put up with things..........your destiny is in your own hands and if you leave, you are NOT a failure.  Deep breaths, cool calm thoughts and have a good night's sleep.  We are all rooting for you in jland!  Take care.  Eileenx

sugarsweet056 said...

Hoping this week you feel a little better. Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time, try & perk up & don't let it keep you down. Think good thoughts & try to do some things that you enjoy.
Hugs,
Sugar

ukgal36 said...

Sorry you've been so low...hope you're feeling better soon...
Lyn

cherry2sweet2eat said...

well some friends are always all about themselves and worry only about whats good for them not you or anyone else just THEM.

louiseb411 said...

Hi Glad you are back. Sorry the job is such hard going, but keep at it, as I told you a good friend of mine does the same thing and she too became extremely stressed by it, but she stuck with it and things are not as bad now. You did the right thing with you friend its not fair of her to ask things like that of you. Louise xx

brainwhispers said...

You know what you need to cheer you up?
A Lamb casserole and some Chocolate hobnobs.
Just ask Sara.
:o)