I'm not in a good place again - my mind is all over the place - I feel anxious inside and I want to scream out loud - I'm not like really really down or really even sad - I just feel confused and anxious - thats the only way I can describe it.
Had long chat with John today - he said I should give up the school if it's making me ill - it's what I've wanted for a long time - to work in a school and eventually become a teacher - but I'm not sure I'm strong enough - not at the moment - my nerves are bad - really bad - oooh had feeling of de ja vue then! I'm now feeling its so right to talk to the Nurse Practioner tomorrow - the Doctor isnt there so they put me with her - at least I'm still going! And at least I will be talking to a professional person. She helped me last year with a lot of that women's stuff - so I'm pleased it will be her.
Don't think I should write anymore of my thoughts down now - well all I want to say is that the boy I work with who is autistic this morning went mad - and I didnt deal with it very well at all - the teacher was watching and I felt like I failed him and her. So probably why I'm feeling anxious and wierd now. Thing is will I ever be strong enough or have the knowledge to know how to deal with children like him? I really don't know what to do when he gets angry with me. :0(
Anyways, I'm going to get help.
Love Laine xxx