Tuesday, 20 November 2007

What shall I do?


I'm not in a good place again - my mind is all over the place - I feel anxious inside and I want to scream out loud - I'm not like really really down or really even sad - I just feel confused and anxious - thats the only way I can describe it.

Had long chat with John today - he said I should give up the school if it's making me ill - it's what I've wanted for a long time - to work in a school and eventually become a teacher - but I'm not sure I'm strong enough - not at the moment - my nerves are bad - really bad - oooh had feeling of de ja vue then! I'm now feeling its so right to talk to the Nurse Practioner tomorrow - the Doctor isnt there so they put me with her - at least I'm still going! And at least I will be talking to a professional person.  She helped me last year with a lot of that women's stuff - so I'm pleased it will be her.

Don't think I should write anymore of my thoughts down now - well all I want to say is that the boy I work with who is autistic this morning went mad - and I didnt deal with it very well at all - the teacher was watching and I felt like I failed him and her. So probably why I'm feeling anxious and wierd now.  Thing is will I ever be strong enough or have the knowledge to know how to deal with children like him? I really don't know what to do when he gets angry with me. :0(

Anyways, I'm going to get help.

Love Laine xxx


sarajanesmiles said...

Lainey, with my J being autistic, I do know what you mean when you say that the boy you work with went mad.  An autistic meltdown is NOT an easy thing to deal with, especially when there are people watching.  Every child is different, but if there is somewhere quiet, a seperate room maybe, it may help to get him there if you see signs of another meltdown.  With my J they sometimes take him off to the library, where it's quieter for him.  Feel for you hon, must have been awful.

Hope tomorrow goes well, please let us know won't you.
((((( )))))

Thanks for my poem :o)

Sara   xxx

aniracj said...

I am beginning to think it is a confidence thing......you are still not 100% confident with where you are or the job you are doing I think, I get like that when I start a new posting and it takes me ages to feel that I am doing things right and I go very much inside myself and feel all screwed up inside.  If I am weong then please climb down the pc and slap me!!! You will sort this and with the right help you will shine through!!

sarajanesmiles said...

And Lainey... you haven't failed anyone sweetheart.
Sara   xxx

egre328 said...

You will be good at your job...........you are good at your job, just keep reminding yourself.  It is all so new and I hope it settles down for you.  Eileenx

brainwhispers said...

I have an itchy bellybutton.

sdrogerson said...


jmoqueen said...

You are stronger than you give credit for.  Unfortunately you have a bad moment like that and you instantly feel a failure.  What you have to remember is that you will learn and the more you do it the more you learn!!  You are great and you need to give yourself more................xx (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))



ukgal36 said...

It's early days yet..you need to stick it out and build your confidence..don't give up..you'll feel worse in the long wrong..you CAN do this ...
hang in there