Feeling a bit better

Hello everybody,

Im so so sorry I've been away from journals - I hit an all time low last week - I don't think I could have got much lower. I think when you hit rock bottom the only way again is up and I have been getting better - slowly.

Its been a hard few weeks, starting a new job and losing a close friend.

The job is getting better although Im not sure if I will be there forever. Life is too short to be sad but as I say things are getting better so watch this space.

The school I work for have children with very challenging behaviour and emotional problems - children that most other schools would exclude - so as the school has an 'every child matters' policy we as staff have to support that and therefore have to be strong enough to deal with this behaviour - I dont think Im strong enough yet but I hopefully will get there. I want to - I nearly gave up last week but after being in tears in front of the Head and saying how I felt it lifted a huge weight. I hope that things will get better.

As for my friend well - remember I told you all about a friend of mine who left her husband for another man and said she had lots of trouble with her ex-husband. She left her husband in October last year and took the children with her.  Her ex has not yet been granted access to the children who are 11 and 14 (two girls) - anyway she has been telling me that he has been acting unreasonably and the girls dont want to see him.  Im not quite sure what it is he has done that is so bad. Well its a long story but she asked me to write a letter to her solicitor saying that her ex had sent me confidential stuff letters and that (which he had done and I read it all as he was just trying to clear his name) - well she wanted me to say that the letters were unwelcome and I dont wish him to contact me again.  I felt that me writing a letter would just add to making it difficult for him to see his girls.  So I refused to write the letter. I didnt find the letters unwelcoming infact it made me realise that my friend is going over the top a bit in stopping him seeing his girls and I didnt want to make it even harder for him.  I've chatted to him lots on the phone and he is a broken broken man.  She is not very happy with me and said I have hurt her.  God!!!! I'm fed up with people!!  I really dont know why the girls dont want to see him - what did he do that is so bad! I've have known him for 15 years and Ive known him to be a bloody good Dad!! So instincts tell me to not get involved but then now Ive lost my best friend!!!

So all that added to the stresses of a job I thought I would love Ive been pretty down lately.  Why is life so bloody hard!! I wanna just enjoy it and be happy!  Ooooh Im so sorry if all this dont make sense but Ive just come on here and blurted it out.

I miss you all and I thank you for being here.

Laine xxxxxxxxxxx

Not feeling so good

Im sorry I havent been round your journals - I do feel guilty about that - Ive not turned my alerts back on yet! Smack wrists!!

Im not really loving my job at the moment. It's hard! We have had training today - advise on how to be strict and not let the kids get to us! We have to let them know who the adult is! Also to keep being professional and not to be too friendly! I think Im guilty of being too friendly! Im not good at telling them off!  I find it very hard! I started today all day and the class Im in at the end of the day has several children who back-chat and are just plain rude! The teacher is not very strict so it is hard for me to be strict too as I dont seem to have her back-up. I'm not sure what to do! Anyway, I have to keep going and give it my best shot - I cant give up just after two weeks!  I just feel like Ive got butterflies all the time and don't want to go! I hope it gets better but Ive a horrible feeling it will get worse first!

Sorry Im not being a good journal friend at the moment!

Laine xxxx

Trying again and Im not teasing!!! LOL

right here goes again and Tells I wonder if we were in the golf the same time!!! Awwww would have loved to have met you!!!  LOL

 

My 42nd birthday celebrations in Pizza Hut, Great Yarmouth!

Joe at the play area near our tent.

Great Yarmouth seafront - time for fish and chip dinner and a new balloon!!

Beautiful sand dunes at Southwold!

Well folks the bloomin puter only lets me upload certain pics - dont worry I will sort it and put the rest on soon - so sorry about this techinical hitch!!! LOL

Love Lainey

p.s. Diama Im so glad you liked your gift - I bought that in Spain! I wanted one!! LOL

More of Great Yarmouth camping trip

Stanley comes to visit us on our first day at the tent.

Now Im cross coz I cant upload anymore pictures and Ive got loads to show you!! Any ideas anyone??

Love Laine xxxxxx

 

Camping pictures part one

Here are some of my pics from our camping holiday in Great Yarmouth - I'll do them in stages as there are a lot!!!

This is my little nephew Stanley!!! Bless him - whoops I got to go back to work!!! Yikes - more photies later I promise xxxxxx

Lainey Laine xxxx

Working at the school

Thank you to you all you are all so kind and good to me - thank you so much for all your support and Im so sorry Ive not been visiting your journals - really bad of me!! Im gonna really try hard to make a date with my puter and concentrate on journals!!  You are such good friends!

Sara thanks for offering tips to me - I probably will be wanting your advise on stuff!! I didnt have a very good day to day with little boy number one - I will call them number one, number two and number three as I cant mention names, obviously!  Well I see number one first thing til 10.15 and so far Ive had great times with him although he can be fidgety because of his ADHD - anyway, today we did not have a good day at all - It was P.E., and it was dance and he said he didnt like dance and refused to do it.  I said to him ok he didnt have to but could he sit with me for five minutes then we could go and do a puzzle.  But, the other Teaching Assistant came over and tried to get him to join in so he was rude to her and refused point blank so she told him that Mrs Sayers would take his playtime away!! Awwwww I didnt want to do that! Anyway, he ended up with no play and he was cross with me coz I had said about the puzzle but because she has been there longer and I thought she knows better I said to him well Number one you were rude to Mrs H so I have to take your play away.  He said that he wanted to trash the classroom and he was going to run away - he didnt but I felt so bad - I told him that it was disappointing that he had to behave that way and he said he didnt care so I said well then I dont care!! Awwww I didnt want to fall out with him!! I feel bad now - this is not going to be an easy job.

I had a lovely time with my boy number two though today - he is in year six and is about 10 or 11 years old.  We did maths together today and we got on really well so that was good! He has ADHD and he hasnt been in school for over two years - but we get on well.

My boy number three who is 8 years old like my number one boy!  Well I wasnt with him today - I start with him on Monday properly but Im going in to see him tomorrow.  Well I went to see him yesterday and what a scene I came across!! The poor teacher was on her own.  My boy number three was on the table throwing books at children - the children were crying and fighting. My boy number three was screaming.  I didnt know what to do I'd never done this before! Anyway, I coaxed my boy down and I told him about my Oscar - thank heaven for my Oscar!! In the end we made a book all about Dogs, Cats and Elephants! It wasnt easy though inbetween times he was very disruptive, pinching other children, shouting, kicking furniture, he pushed me, he took someones violin and started playing it (found it hard not to laugh at that point) then eventually I did calm him but heaven!!!! Ive got to do this every day!!  I wrote an email to the teacher and she wrote back saying I did a brilliant job!!! Crikey I didnt think I did! She said that together we will crack it!! I think she is lovely and I hope we can but the class is so disruptive how can I get my boy number three to calm down!!!  Anyway, he has started on a drug called retillin or something - Im not sure if thats right.  Poor little lad! Wish I could take him home - look after him, let him have nice bath, play with my doggy and sod all the school bloody rules!! Awww makes me want to cry!!  Awwww how am I gonna do this job - its hard, its hard!!! I dont know what to do - how do I stop him hitting people and swearing and running away and kicking things. When I am firm with him he doesnt listen the only time he listens to me is when Im with him just the two of us.   Ive got the plans for all the lessons now from the teacher and Im going to try devise his own little timetable of events in short time spans as he is ADHD and we think autistic too, also think he has tourettes.  Watch this space Im not sure this is the job for me!! And may I say well done if you read all this!!!  Any advise is more than welcome!!!

Love Lainey Laine

p.s. my John away tonight and Im missing him madly!!!

 

An old friend is back

Hi everyone,

Sorry I have been away for so long - I'll explain why in a minute but just got to tell you an old friend is back our lovely Aileen - please go visit her and welcome her back - she has had very poor health lately and she needs some good old journal love passed on!! Awww so glad she is back!!

Anyway, I started my new job last week so I've been tired and busy! No excuse I know but anyway Im back now so stop moaning.  The job has started well - I am with two boys one is age 8 and one is age 11.  I with one before first break the I go and see the other one after first break.  So far its not been too bad - I am just finding my feet there though and I dont think Im being strict enough so I really have to improve that or them little kids will get the better of me.  Anyway, end of my first week and the Headmaster calls me in - scary!! Yes even when your 42!! hee hee!!  Anyway, he congratulated me on a good start and has offered me more hours!! eeeeeek!!  He asked if I would like to work with a child that is the most challenging child in the school.  The poor lad has numerous emotional problems, he is on the autistic spectrum and they think he is schzeprhenic - no way do I know how to spell that!!  They also think he has terets. Bless him - little lad - he is only 8 - he is a big handful, he swears, he kicks, he is very violent sometimes.  Anyway, Im to work with him afternoons - so another ten hours added on my week.  I have said yes but to have reviews often to see how Im getting on - I have requested that myself as I dont want to be doing it if its not working for me or the child.

I hope you are all ok. Diama did you get your package I have sent it! I will come visit you all as soon as I can.

Love Lainey

p.s. I will also be putting on my camping pics soon - specially for Sara Sara xxxxxx

 

Im back

Hey everyone Im back.

My case turned up - think I might have told you that already!!! Hey Diama gonna get to that post office on Monday! LOL

We had a lovely holiday camping with the kids - the campsite was a bit naff but we made the best of it.  We were right next to the night club!!! Our tent was lovely!! Its huge and loads of room and really cozy too! We love our tent! It was easy to put up and take down - and huge!! said that already! but it is huge! It was the biggest tent on the site and I think people were jealous - oh yes they were!! hee hee

I hope Stuart enjoyed his ramble out in his caravan!! I want a caravan! Our tent was lovely but you get a loo in a caravan - no loo in a tent - you have to get out in the middle of the night and get all cold - that was the only thing I didnt like!

My Sara Sara is so happy - so I'm so happy!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!

Im not well today - had a very very bad tummy - not good! Feel dizzy now and not well at all - so all feel sorry for me!

Wrote a huge long email to Sara and lost it - so that annoyed me! Havent got the energy to write all that again.

I start work on Monday! Cant beleive it - it has come round so quick! Boys start school on Tuesday - Joe going to his new school.

I think Ive upset a friend but not sure - and it was to keep another one happy - Sara I need you!!!

Laine xxxxx